Broken Relationships
So many others out there have problems far worse than mine are, at least I can say that today, but I still feel like screaming.
When I was a kid my mom would sit around with the lights off and have a candle or two glowing; tonight I find myself doing the same thing which makes me realize I am my mothers daughter. My mother suffers from depression as do I. Depression is a safe solitude.
Recently I was asked what I do for fun and my honest answer is nothing. I spend time painting which is a release that does bring me peace, but not fun. I have no friends that I do anything with and spend much of my time alone and I'm a married woman.
Every now and then don't you find yourself just crazy enough to scream into a pillow? I don't feel like crying, just screaming. My birds do enough so maybe in the morning when they start I will just go in with them and let it go...the neighbors wouldn't know the difference.
My husband thinks my reason for wanting to scream is stupid, but what he does not understand is that it's not just this one thing, it is many. I'm taking steps to better my own mental and physical health because I have to start with myself. It appears I am the only one in the relationship that needs help.
Right now I am a piece of baggage with nothing inside; hollow like the crappy chocolate bunnies you can buy at Easter from companies you've never heard of.
Cool, now I have related myself to a crappy chocolate bunny...what next.
I'm sorry for so many things that I have done and over the years I have tried to make things right but at some point it won't be about anyone else, just me.
When I was a kid my mom would sit around with the lights off and have a candle or two glowing; tonight I find myself doing the same thing which makes me realize I am my mothers daughter. My mother suffers from depression as do I. Depression is a safe solitude.
Recently I was asked what I do for fun and my honest answer is nothing. I spend time painting which is a release that does bring me peace, but not fun. I have no friends that I do anything with and spend much of my time alone and I'm a married woman.
Every now and then don't you find yourself just crazy enough to scream into a pillow? I don't feel like crying, just screaming. My birds do enough so maybe in the morning when they start I will just go in with them and let it go...the neighbors wouldn't know the difference.
My husband thinks my reason for wanting to scream is stupid, but what he does not understand is that it's not just this one thing, it is many. I'm taking steps to better my own mental and physical health because I have to start with myself. It appears I am the only one in the relationship that needs help.
Right now I am a piece of baggage with nothing inside; hollow like the crappy chocolate bunnies you can buy at Easter from companies you've never heard of.
Cool, now I have related myself to a crappy chocolate bunny...what next.
I'm sorry for so many things that I have done and over the years I have tried to make things right but at some point it won't be about anyone else, just me.
posted by Birdy at 7:32 PM
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